Late Night Ramblings

Today was not such a good day. Sad news about loved ones has reached us, and I am sodden with melancholy tonight. I awakened at 3:00 this morning with dark feelings that I could not seem to shake. We had received news last night that another of our family members has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Early stages. We expect a good prognosis. Still scary.


Michael has three brothers. Of the four wives of those brothers, two have been stricken with this vile disease. Are these the statistics now I wonder? Is it the fate of two out of every four women to develop breast cancer? A little research tells me that the actual numbers are not quite this high, but I consider the number of women I know both casually and intimately that are affected by it, and think the "stats" may be wrong.


Why these two younger-than-I vibrant ladies and not me? Do I just have good genes? Have I taken better care of myself? (I know the answer to that one--NOT!) Am I just lucky? (Most likely.) Or perhaps I truly am blessed. (If so, I don't know why.) I can't possibly answer that question tonight, and I doubt if I'll have any more insight tomorrow. I just know that sometimes we get laden with worries and woes about our everyday lives and the lives of those close to us and we lose sight of the real picture. The stresses of our day-to-day existence begin to weigh us down. And then a couple of days like yesterday and today come along, and I am humbled by my self-absorption. Shame on me.


Today more sad news. We received word that the son of one of our oldest, dearest friends had passed away. The young man's life has always been a struggle, and tonight we pray that he is at last at peace. And we pray that his parents, our friends, will finally have some peace as well. Their lives have not been smooth these past few years, and though they are many, many miles away, I long to hold them and in some small way comfort them. Hopefully they feel our love and know that we grieve with them.


And so the sadness lingers on tonight. I am sad that my friends are feeling the most intense loss of all, the loss of a child. I am sad that my sisters-in-law whom we love so much have to cope with disease and the unknown. I am sad that I am not closer to any of them to hold their hand or to cry with them, or perhaps to just make them smile. Why is it that sorrow is so easy to express and yet so hard to tell? (Does that make sense to anyone except me? Probably not. It was just a thought that came to me and wanted to get out.)


Tonight I want to sleep. All night. No bad thoughts. No bad dreams. No dark melancholia. No 3:00 AM wanderings. But first I want my friends and loved ones who are hurting--and also my friends and loved ones who are happy and content this night to know that I love them and share their pain, their fear, their sorrow, their joy, their peace. From the haunting beauty here in the Low country of South Carolina to the plains of the Midwest and the mountains and deserts of the West, please know that this night I am reaching out to you all. It is true that the words we most want to say are difficult to find sometimes. Their journey begins far, far away in the heart. But Dear Ones, just know that they are there, nestled up against the love.

Love and Blessings to you all.
Janet